And he said

"kita jumpa lepas habis kerja lah. syam rasa nervous".

In the beginning it was a cross of should i be offended or should i just laugh over his silliness?

After a nano second thought, i chose the latter. It tickled me that he didn't want to see me prior to the interview just because he's feeling nervous. Too cute.

Just don't pull the same stunt when the DAY comes ye.

*hugs and prayers from me*

inside joke: you can do iT!!! =)

Live like we're dying

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
we're hiding behind skin that's too tough
how come we don't say I love you enough
till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
we could make a feast from these crumbs
and we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
so if your life flashed before you
what would you wish you would've done

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
who would you call with your last goodbyes
should be so careful who we live out our lives
so when we long for absolution
there'll no one on the line

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying


We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh-- like we're dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live -- like we're dying

We never know a good thing till it's gone
you never see a crash until it's head on
all those people right when we're dead wrong
you never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start livin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh -- like we're dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying
live like we're dying
[Fade out]

OMG.LOVE IT!WANT IT!

Highlights: Nadiya+Jalil from Manggis on Vimeo.

Found the video here.Work of Manggis Production Sdn. Bhd.

Love the setting. Love the theme. Love the food selection. Dream wedding reception. Ehem. Minus the dancing bit. Nanti pengsan semua orang.

Pstt. Jom have that theme nak? MOMMY!!!

My mother so cute

Apabila saya memaklumkan kepadanya budak itu demam, dia berkata "tak pergi tengok dia ke?".

Apabila dia sungguh mengambil berat akan kebajikan budak itu dan bersungguh-sungguh dengan niat tulus ikhlas membantu budak itu dalam apa jua bentuk, termasuk berdoa dan bersembahyang hajat.

Aww. Adakah my mother so cute sampai saya patut jealous?

Budak itu; sila take note she already considers you just like her own son. Oleh itu, sekiranya saya membuli anda (yang dinafikan sekeras-kerasnya), you certainly have the liberty to give her a ring dan mengadu. Saya tidak marah. janji!

A day

full of collecting and absorbing interesting new facts about forensic accounting and the mechanics of motor vehicles. Oh yeah, and a revisit to Company Law. Refreshing.

Could it truly be a miracle? He is definitely hearing us out. Good luck to YOU!! You know mother and I would be praying for you. *hugs*

Sabar

For someone who had just lost someone dear to his heart and struggling to make ends meet telling me to be patient is deep.

I still have my family.
I still have a job.
I still have him.

I have every reason to be thankful for. So true. Thank you for the gentle reminder.

16 days till year end. I have faith in you. *hugs*

Ego Booster

It's an undisputed fact that everyone has ego and pride. To be judged and criticized professionally is a nightmare. But to have a professional concurring to another professional views/opinion is a good ego booster.

Though "puan, you are right" came from a circle out of the public service, it did my ego good. At least for today.heh.

week-end-ish

Saturday- Huberdina Maria Hertogh (Natrah)

After so long not satisfying my thirst for theater, i was a tad disappointed. The musical part was unnecessary. I could only appreciate the monologue bit. Sofea Jane was impeccable. Umie Aida was unexpectedly superb. For a first theater timer, Maya Karin was not bad. The rest of the actors and actresses was mediocre. I may be biased but Huberdina Maria Hertogh (Natrah) ala AIKOL kicked *ss hands down!!

Sunday- Brunch with favorite girl friends.

The last I met them bestie was about a month ago. Since a month ago, many things happened. Thanks for sacrificing your sunday family time to chill with us single ladies and a man. =) Unfortunate the brunch was not captured. But many more Sunday/Weekend brunch should not be a problem forthwith ey? Good luck fellow besties. I heart all of YOU!

Tomorrow's Monday. Damn!

p/s: To you, you've grown unimaginably matured. I heart you too!

Random thoughts (before i head home)

Soalan berbangkit pada hari ini:

• "Garangnya shu", pegawai itu berkata. Soalan saya balik, garang kah saya? seolah tidak percaya. honestly.
• "Tengah bahagia ya?" seorang lagi pegawai itu berkata. Saya menjawab, "ye, saya tahu saya sudah gemuk. jangan tanya soalan itu".

Cheh. Baru nak perasan ada orang tegur dah kurus (konon). But obviously to concur that I've gone down is going against everything that is obvious. like duh.

Hanya seorang sahaja ada delusional syndrome; YOU! kan dah cakap I've gained weight dan saya bulat seperti bola. Denying it would not push me to do something about it. Jadi, sila lah mengaku yang saya sudah membesar bagai juara. *sigh*

Another reason not to plan right?

brain numb

A whole day session of absorbing policy+ legal issues literally left me brain numb. The last time I had brain numb was in uni years after final exams. refreshing right?

While some of you starts partying tomorrow till Sunday, I won't. While some of you heads to Kedah for Toni's reception, I won't due to logistic and substantial financial issues. If you get my drift.

Anyways, to work I'll be at tomorrow. Friends attending Toni's reception, send me regards to her.

To you, we shall not give up hope. You being more optimistic about it keeps me spirit high. Let's do this.*hugs*

p/s: if things ain't changing, we'll go to plan B i.e. get that DSLR, attend photography class and let ME be your subject. alritey? =)

I wish I know where the land is

When I said,

Take me to the land of no worries
Take me to where I won't feel stupid
Take me to where I feel I belong
Take me to where I feel calm
Take me to where I'll be happy

He said,

I wish I know where the land is.

Thank you. How not to lose hope. How not to stop planning. There is still hope. There is still time.

Insya Allah.

A little optimist litigator bird

An optimist bird dropped by the office last night and we (well they) worked till late night and said, "don't ask the whys. look forward and find solutions". simple with a mind blowing message.

then he had to just spoil it and said, "your husband orang mane?" wth!!

apply advice: don't ask why he asked. find solution. cari husband?

have a weekend blast peeps!!

Confused

I remembered when I started working I was a cautious person. I rarely ask questions for fear that I would look stupid.

After a couple of years, I was told informally that it is not wrong to ask questions and raise issues.

But today, I asked questions. I raised issues. Impression I got, non-issue and invalid question.

Hence, confused.

"speak now or forever hold your peace" they say. pfft.

Still wrong. Still ridiculed. Still judged.

Again, confused.

Mom said I'm being too hard on myself. How not too?

It's been a month

since the should've been event. since then, i stopped planning. I am not the slightest angry at the reason that caused it to be postponed.

I just can't help but feel left behind.

But I'm not losing hope. Mother say I shouldn't. He said I shouldn't.

One month. 30 days. well technically, till new year. Miracles do happen, no?

back to reading some boring report on something depressingly related to work.

fat bump

As I looked in the mirror, I said to myself "orang lain ada baby bump. aku ada fat bump.tsk tsk."

Can the silence not be for ONLY a day. Can it be for at least a week? *sigh* silence was indeed golden while it last.

Shoo away all pesky noise. Shoo I say!!

Hida

"Biar orang buat kat kita. Jangan kita buat kat orang" - My late Opah.

It just shows how insensitive they are. Not worth your time. Your cries. Your heartache.

Delete them completely. Literally stop from questioning. Stop from figuring out. Stop from digging.

It won't be easy. But you know you've got friends supporting you.

Ignorance is bliss. Just ignore.

Ms J And Mr A *erase forever* - honestly utterly despicable.

Domestic Goddes (kononnya)

Sebelum terlupa, perlu pen this down for memory sake.

Scene: telephone conversation.

Girl: which one is a cinnamon? The stick or the flower?

Boy: *chuckle*

Girl: u laughed!meanie!

Boy: tickles me that you could not identify between the two.

Conclusion: now, WE know who will be wearing the chef hat. =)

Mudah lupa

Kadang-kadang tidak terelak hati terdetik, begitu mudah dan senang kehidupan mereka. at least to my very own naked eyes.

Kemudian hati terdetik lagi, KENAPA kehidupan aku tak serupa seperti mereka. KENAPA begitu banyak halangan dan dugaan yang perlu ditempuhi.

Soal KENAPA tak wajar ditanya kerana aku mudah lupa aku hamba Allah yang kerdil yang perlu merintih kepada Nya mohon petunjuk dan hidayah. Mohon kekuatan dan ketabahan hati.

Thank you mother for the gentle reminder.

Sungguh benar, manusia mudah lupa.

Lelaki

Saya bukan seorang hardcore feminis. Saya hanya tidak suka rakan-rakan wanita saya dipermainkan.

Tatkala lelaki menipu untuk menyelamatkan ego yang besar. Saya faham.

Tetapi tatkala seorang wanita membenarkan atau membiarkan penipuan tersebut berlaku tanpa rasa bersalah atau rasa remorse, saya sungguh tidak faham.

Paling tidak pun, kalau dua-dua sudah melakukan kesilapan, sila lah mengaku salah.

Admitting to mistake does not make one coward. Admitting to mistake is a commendable act.

To me friend, though I agree revenge is sweet but please don't let them have the last laugh.

Operation confrontation in December? Who's on board?

My Mother So Sweet

When I fight with him, she hugs me and say things will be okay.
When I told her his mother passed away, we bawled together.
When we went for the funeral, she hugged his sister like she was her own daughter.
When I told her his problems, she extends her hand to help.

She never judge. She understands.

Mother, you're too sweet and I love YOU!

the UPS and DoWnS

Every phone ring. Every incoming e-mail. brings shivers down me spine. they call it phobia.

This morning. The phone rang. This time i did something right.

*sigh*

Hurry for the end of month to come. Better month next.

Tomorrow, i sense feel good day.

Short run from Office. New best best friend.

Can't wait!!

Harsh

One word to sum it all; harsh!

I told you the month has not ended.

And i just want to bury myself deep under the ground.

Oh my DioR!

is definitely original. minus the superb wardrobe and famous actors, i find the movie rather draggy.

*sigh* disappointing.

Its amazing

That you could make me feel beautiful when the fact is I'm not.

That you could make me laugh to cheer me spirit up when the fact is your spirit needs the cheering more than I do.

I know things have not been easy for you. Neither for me. But I'm sure every cloud has a silver lining and He has better plans for you.

This I learn; relationship does not mean one have to be clingy. relationship should not be based on expectations. relationship requires understanding. relationship requires trust. relationship requires patience.

We're no where near perfect but the journey that brought us to where we are now taught us what true relationship is all about.

Suddenly, the day seems a little bit brighter thanks to YOU.

pfft..

Hands down this month of this year is the hardest toughest.

Let's see which month of which year would top this month of this year.

Nak reward diri sendiri. Employer terlalu baik hulur gaji awal untuk perayaan. Sungguh betul, Rakyat diutamakan.*dreamy bag, sila tunggu daku*

Hampir hampir tak mahu bangun semula selepas jatuh dari tingkat 100. Sakitnya, Masya Allah.

Terima kasih kepada teman-teman yang terlibat yang berjaya mendengar keluhan dan tangisan saya semalam. Saya amat malu. Tapi the crying helped A LOT. And the tak-makan-lunch-semalam-compensated-with-Mom's-greatest-baked maccaroni. And the two little kitten bratty. And my new-source-of-entertainment-gadget. I feel much better.

Tapi siapa kata this month is over.

Pfft.

The dreaded DAY arrived

Fear of unknown became a reality.

The dreaded day arrived.

I can never be good enough

for myself, for others.

work wise. personally.

and He has never failed to grant my wishes.

how i whine i missed the buzz of Pusat Bandar Damansara, He sent me to MOH.

how i wish my work is scrutinized and criticized so i know my flaws, He sent me here.

but instead of being forever grateful, i feel like a complete failure.

How great is HE. indeed He is great and really, i should be grateful.

let me mourn over my stupidity for a while and get back to work.

labelled bored

whenever there's any function or chill out session, it's very rare that i'd decline.

today is an exception.

i declined.

fear of the unknown can lead to depression. of course i know. been there. felt that.

this time. the fear is identified. the feeling is overwhelming that i don't feel like doing anything until i know the outcome.

call me boring.

that label is nothing compared to being judged as dumb. really.

i'm in the wrong profession.

The lil' things that makes me happy NOW

having two precious adorable kitten sleepin by me side now; and

getting assurance from him that things will turn out okay for me, for him and for us.

its sunday.

damn.

Rasa bodoh berulang

There should be a 101 manual to guide one on How Not To Be/Look Stupid.

Seriously. Now, the scene is on replay mode.

I should know better

full stop.

*super-shiny-shuey resigns from being a mediator*

It comes to only one conclusion then, whatever one says differs in others interpretation.

Simple example; and I thought my comments were fair BUT to others, it connotes different meaning.

To those who felt I was not fair, I apologize. To those who felt I misinterpreted, I apologize.

Kalau tak ada warna warni dalam kehidupan, bukan lah nama nya kehidupan. Ye tak?

Let's all be adult about it

Though we come from the same university and studied on the same course, we eventually ventured out in similar profession but wearing different hats. Different hats with different working environment, clients and views.

It's plain obvious that our views may not be at eye level for our exposure and experience varies. But does that mean we can't be friends and be adult about it?

This became an issue. When I first read it, my first thought was "you got to be kidding me?". I was called to the BAR before I held the position where I'm at now. My exposure while in practice was mainly litigation. I know how difficult it is to locate a missing file. I understand the agony of going back and forth to court just to find a missing file. I also understand how it feels to be ridiculed by the court clerk and presiding judge. I understand how frustrating it is to be a litigation practicing lawyer. Really I do because I went through it.

So, when that was posted, I could foresee the comments that would rain through.

Now, I want to try be an un-certified peace maker.

To you, probably what you wrote did happen in your personal knowledge but to understand the real problem would help too i.e. experiencing it first hand. The way to experience it, go through it. Not as someone who sees it at birds eyes view. But really go down and disguise yourself, if you could. Probably things have indeed change. I can't vouch for that for I don't have the experience first hand.

To you, I understand the frustration and anger but IMHO personal attacks is unnecessary. A proper intellectual discourse via proper round table could be more proper perhaps?

I think what both parties are trying to say to each other is basically "you don't understand and see it like how I understand and see it".

So, me brothers and sisters. Let's all be adult about it and say our sorry and take it from there.

Yes, no?

i miss me girlies.

Today was supposed to be a day off.
Tomorrow should've been the official day that we're an item.
But in light on the turn of events,
Today was a working day; and
Tomorrow will be postponed to an undetermined date.

Looking forward to Sunday. He'll be coming back. Though for a short while. I need my dose of happiness.

I miss my girlies (mira.ein.muna). Really I do. They are my doses of happiness.

him+me girlies = doses of happiness = happy shiny shuey.

Breather

"Syg niiii.." is like music to my ears. You've slowly healed. Alhamdulillah. I can't possibly replace her. I can NEVER replace her. But my pair or ears are always free for lending.

Work is overwhelmingly hectic.

I.need.to.take.a.breather.

Suddenly I saw the light at the end of the tunnel:a tub full of Kit Kat ice cream in the fridge that i completely forgot about.

To H*** with work. Yummy ice cream awaits. Yay!

When a grown man

Wept openly over the death of his mother,it shattered my heart.

Called upon his two siblings to sit by their mother's grave relieving sweet memories of her,it broke me into pieces.

So,don't relentlessly say thanks to my parents and i for the 2 1/2 hours drive to and fro.

It's the least that we could do.

After all,you're already considered part of the family.

He loves her more

He speaks highly of her.
He thinks highly of her.
Of course, she's his mother.
Tonight, she passed away.

Sayang,

I cannot imagine the loss you're feeling.
I cannot imagine the devastation.
But do know I'm here for you.

May she rest in peace and placed among the dwellers of Jannah.

Al-Fatihah.

Indeed, we can only plan. And mother was right. It was not a sign but test from Him.

He knows best

I've heard the phrase "kita hanya mampu merancang, Allah maha mengetahui" many times.

Little did I know that one day it'll smack me right in the face.

I've also heard the phrase "mothers know best" many times.

I hope you are right mother.

weekend is here

and i fell off the chair literally!

out of happiness? NoT!

But to dear gems (you know who you are). I'm overjoyed to know all the fantabalous news. Call for a major celebration.

Yang sorang tuh, just take the offer will ya. Be my lunch mate? =)

*hugs to all*

and they say rome was not built in a day

adakah harus jatuh bangun jatuh bangun jatuh bangun banyak kali sehingga betul betul rasa you can do it?

adakah kerana sebelum ini tidak pernah perlu jatuh bangun jatuh bangun jatuh bangun banyak kali sehingga menyebabkan one feels complacent enough that things WILL fall in its place.

bila kah rasa ini akan hilang?

bila kah one can be intelligent enough not to feel stupid?

bila kah?

bila kah?

tak sanggup la nak jatuh bangun jatuh bangun jatuh bangun. dah habis berdarah dah kaki ini. dah penat rasa bodoh. dah penat. dah penat.

bila kah hari itu akan sampai. hari di mana we shall be reunited. my love. my long lost love.

encik "you make me happy", sila lah take me away to the land of endless happiness. where we need not be frustrated. where we need not worry.

-signed budak yang makin lama makin confuse-

purple peep toe.green hijab.white kebaya.

the only thing i look forward coming to work everyday is how colorful i should look.hence, today's ensemble. but i've been staging my OWN protest by not putting on any make up. protest for coming to work everyday though the heart's not in it.

i.love.colors.

What do you do

when your heart is not in it anymore.

do you yell "fine!you win.i lose" and consider defeat?

or you walk away and NEVER turn back?

or you just swallow it and take it as it is?

My heart is screaming, leave! But the head is rationalizing the pros and cons.

cant.do.this.anymore.

Note to oneself

Live in the present, not in the past or the future.
Live in the present, not in the past or the future.
Live in the present, not in the past or the future.

betul lah aku in apt

err..when was the last time you felt silly and stupid for not saying anything in a meeting? err..just now. err..betul lah aku in apt. like duh!

azam baru dan reminder kepada diri sendiri: sila jangan menjadi bodoh di dalam meeting. sila sila jangan!

i need to find something that I'm good at.

this is depressing.

really.

The 1st out of 5 to get married first

they're my confidante
my childhood buddy
come Saturday
Aban turns to mrs
come next May
Mynn turns to mrs
come 3 other weddings
all turns to mrs (insya allah)
but come whatever may
i pray this bond stays
me love you chickas!
*hugs*

Sambungan kepada sasha's women can be simple too

when i said : macam nak demam

and he said: okay, jom nanti i buy 100 plus for you

and i said: la.im not thirsty.i said rasa macam nak demam.

and he said: ye la. the 100 plus would keep ur body temperature down.

yes, it's simple acts like that melts THIS girl's heart. though 10 minutes after, I asked where's my 100 plus after he came back and got his food. he said, "ala lupa!" laa.but it was no biggie because I wasn't feeling that sick and instead of 100 plus, ada sundae to gobble up. heh.

but he made it up later when he called

and said: guess what I'm doing?

and i said: what?

and he said: watching The Ugly Truth while eating the caramel u made. sedap and best giler!

=)

no, he's not metrosexual and he ain't romantic either. like i said, does not take a genius to keep a girl happy no?

In apt kah aku?

Sentiasa diingatkan untuk tidak memandai mandai. Sentiasa diingatkan untuk merujuk. Tapi apabila merujuk, mendapat comment "banyak ye matters you di sini?". Adakah saya in apt? Atau adakah memang rujukan saya legitimate?

It demotivates and brings you a level lower than you thought you could be.

Random

I feel sick in the stomach upon the sight of shop sales representative greeting mat sallehs when they enter any shops but ignore the locals. And they say malaysians are friendly (only to the mat sallehs).sick!

Raya was gastronomical disastrous. The stomach kept asking for more Raya delicacies.

www.marthastewartweddings.com.my is uber cool!! i heart marthastewartweddings.com.my.

lavish weddings is over rated. Either i'm being a sore loser or it's pure factual.

To add to sasha's women can be simple too, surprise of bunga api suffice to make this girl happy.

Raya 2009

Looking forward to the long break. Looking forward to spending time with the family. Looking forward to the scrumptious food spread.

To the new PHAT moms, dads and babies, Selamat Hari Raya. Have a joyous time with your lil family.

To me HOT friends, safe journey and have a gorgeous Raya. Let's do Raya visiting to everyone's crib.

Selamat Hari Raya. From the bottom of me heart, maaf zahir dan batin.

p/s: I sound like Paris.That's hot.

Last day of work. WeEeEeEEEeeeEEE!!!!!!!

updated - 1.08 p.m

menyesal tak amik cuti hari ni.eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

14.09.2009

2 steps down.

4 days to eid.

3 days left to work.

Gembira.

And to YOU, endless thank yous.

The walls has ears

Ooooh.scary.watch my mouth I must.

Old habits die hard

Got myself another guilty pleasure for the month and multitasking is my middle name.

-EnD-

He's got my back

I got your back too. I do. I do.

kisah hari jumaat

tgif?blissful weekend.*cross finger*

kisah hari khamis

sasha, the word 'may' exists after all. it wasn't bad. thanks for listening. i'm feeling all better now. worth the cry? worth the sleepless night? worth the depression? something new learned. new experience acquired. After all, that's what working life is all about right?

Alright, back to work.

oh yeah, hello baby A! aunty shue will be seeing u today.congrats miera!!*hugs*. congratulations to Adam and Liyana too for their baby girl. Ramadan baby galore! next up, Asni!! =)

kisah hari rabu

And I broke down and cry. Not the right time to be given this much responsibility. Not the right position to be given this much responsibility. Nope. Just NOT now.

Kisah hari Selasa

Adalah menjadi kebiasaan saya sekarang untuk berasa down tatkala selepas hari cuti, dikehendaki masuk kerja. Perasaan down membuak2 kerana dikehendaki mengemukakan dua kerja tertunggak yang perlu diselesaikan dengan segera.

In my defence, why I'm stealing a fraction of the work time now is to let the brain de-stress after submitting a legal opinion.

Okay, back to the kisah hari selasa. Today. Tuesday.

As I was trying to psych myself up to survive the working day, the car had to spoil it for me. After I paid for the toll, the window refused to wind up. Wind up, I say to the car. But the car refused to listen. And whats worst, I see dark clouds ahead. So decided I did to turn back home to change car when the whole time I was trying to strategize a plan to able moi to submit the above mentioned legal opinion in time before the board meeting, which I had no idea what time it'll start praying the hardest that it's in the afternoon. And yes, my prayer was answered. God is indeed great. So, yeah. What a way to start the working week ey? I still have another piece of work I vow to submit by TODAY. Come on shue. You can do it! rah rah rah! pathetic i know.

Tapi tapi ada kisah hari isnin. Semalam. Yesterday. Monday.

It was syam's birthday. I mean it when I say;

Though I can't recall the number of birthdays celebrated.
Though I can't recall the number of years we've been together.
But I do know I'll be looking forward to many more birthdays together and many years together.

You know how people ask, how would you know if he's the one? My answer would be, I don't know. But I do know relationship requires communication, space and respect. And over the years, I've learned to listen when he speaks. To give space when he requires and to respect the decision he makes. In return, I get the same.

Happy Birth-celebration Birthday Boy!

Long weekend? What long weekend.

Mission to leave earlier today failed as well. Dear jam, please be kind.

The work place is starting to slowly grow on me. Probably it is best that I'm placed here. It's just that too much is on the plate at the moment. Having a slight difficulty to adjust to the work load since am running the place solo. So, yeah. I'm doing alright after all.

Dear Allah, give me strength and thank You for being kind.

Cheerios guys. Have a superb long weekend.

Who.what.things.makes.me.happy

Who?

The mother who typed on the lap top using one finger at a time. Super funny.

What?

The two bratty cats at home.

Things?

Need i say more.

I thought receiving positive remark on substantive work that I do would bring the spirit UP! like the movie UP! unfortunately, the hollowness is still apparent. I could still feel it. What is it that I'm searching? What is it that I want? What is it that I need?

I search for peace of mind.I want to go home.I need therapy.

Nightmare

Image obtained here

Nope. not that kind of nightmare. Immediately after i snooze after sahur, i had this really weird dream combination of being transferred to a new office (was not a pretty sight) and a sarong-clad-Ati feeding chicken and rabbit.

Explanation anyone?

I woke up thinking probably the Great One is saying what I want is not what I should pray/wish for.

And as for Ati, are you trying to be telepathic from Mecca? Even if you are, what is it that you're trying to convey ati? what?

get a new job, say ay!!

Even a cute vintage green blouse couldn't cheer me day. Shue says, go get a new job. Anyone in favour, say ay!!

Have u ever felt

like leaving and dropping everything to start afresh
like running away but u can't
like wanting to rewind the time because the past seemed more calm

have u ever?

17.08.2009

*smile* *giggle giggle* *smile*

A date i want to remember.

*smile*

It's funny

It's funny when you wish what you wish/pray for shouldn't come true
It's funny when you wish time turns back to that second when you should've made the other choice
It's funny when someone who rarely talks serious suddenly talks serious.cute.
It's funny when you wish for something, then it comes true, then you regret for wishing that wish because you're not ready to carryout the wish that comes true
It's funny when you wish for something, then it comes partially true, then you start to worry fearing that the other part would not come true
It's funny when you tell you're not competitive and ends up scrutinizing yourself upon knowing you didn't get that call
It's funny when everyone else thinks that you should be the very opposite of who you want to be.

It's just plainly hilariously funny.

But it's not funny not being able to sleep at night.
But it's not funny having your mind work unnecessary endlessly.
But it's not funny when you over analyze things.

It's just NOT funny.

But I like the guy who rarely talks serious suddenly talk serious.Uber cute and funny.Let's have more serious talk. And laugh. More serious talk. And laugh. Life would be merrier like that ey?

Serious Guy, give me back my touch n' go card and come back quick and make me laugh some more.

PoSiTiVe VibE

image obtained here

It's all in the head. It really is. ALl i have to do is chant the mantra, "i can do it". Then treat myself with a new shoe/bag anyone?

shuey NEVER change. tsk tsk.

Don't blame me. I googled positive image. Yang keluar gambar itu. Salah saya kah?

budak budak zaman sekarang

suka melompat lompat kerja. asal rasa tak sesuai, bergerak ke tempat lain. asal rasa tak boleh tahan, berpindah ke tempat lain.adakah saya salah seorang dari mereka?

ya, saya tidak gemar akan tempat kerja saya sekarang. asal tak nak sakit kepala, terus membuka web page untuk mencuba nasib di tempat lain. tsk tsk.

budak budak zaman sekarang.

Eek!!

If this is the pace that I'm goin at. Might as well NOT transfer me out. Too many to do. Too short time. eeeeeeeeeeee...

Overwhelmed

Upon returning from Sabah on a (rather) peaceful friday evening, my colleague dropped a HUGE bomb shell ----- effective 1/8/2009, yours truly is transferred to my previous working place (but under the purview of a different Minister). say what u say? yeap. only 2 and a half months. 2 and a half months of fast working pace. 2 and a half months of learning many many new things. 2 and a half months coming to the END this friday.

still, I have many things to do. overwhelmed. breathless. tired.

rest in peace dear yasmin ahmad. your effort in potraying a "should-be" one-Malaysia is much appreciated.hats off to you. overwhelmed with sadness.

to dearest friends. much apologies for not being able to join the occasional social fiesta. to aliza, afzan and ayu; my thoughts and prayers are to you guys. safe journey and have loadsa fun. *hugs*

to dhamirah nazihah azman, the mommy-to-be; i know i've not been keeping up to date with your baby's progress. but truly, i can't wait to welcome baby A to this glorious world. promise i'll be there when the historic moment happens. don't forget me. *hugs and kisses to you*

to muna and ein, I owe you guys presents. fret not, I remember what I owe u guys.

to my dearest syam, *speechless*. truly, you're just to awesome.

see, i'm just overwhelmed with events.

ego tercalar

saya bukan seorang yang competitive. never was since school. tapi kejadian sebentar tadi mencalar ego saya yang tak seberapa besar ini. yes, I admit I don't have big ego. it's that easy for me to say sorry. even if I think I'm right.

tapi satu yang saya kurang gemar is orang mempertikaikan my intellect or capability. when one seeks help, one should paint the whole picture right? you don't just go saying, "there's this one bla bla bla (literally) ******n and i came to know that you did something regarding it". And i'm suppose to decipher that bla bla bla? ye la saya tahu saya bukan oversea grad. malahan budak uia sahaja. hence, tidak layak di rujuk.

no, saya tidak envy colleagues saya. we're all the same. tapi ada muka muka baru yang mungkin masih mentah dengan cara bekerja (literally). i don't blame them. hanya sedikit terasa di hati dan ego sedikit tercalar. or im just being paranoid?

but i'm alright.

keluhan di hari jumaat.

sekian.

perfect

"Perfect does not mean like how you would always imagine" - daniel meade of Ugly Betty

then, his bride collapsed.

i have to concur with his idea of perfect.

i had my share of perfect moments. though not to the eyes of others but to me, it's just perfect.

like today, when by coincidence we were on the same road heading back home after work. a perfect coincidence for I was feeling low when he called and said he saw my car.

for that brief 15 minutes when he was tailing me from behind, i had some solace.

Though it's just by coincidence, I really can't thank YOU enough.

And the ball starts to roll

On the 4th, my best friend got engaged. About 3 weeks back, another best friend got risik-ed.

And they are my homies whom I chilled with almost every other weekend.


The ball is indeed starting to rock and roll.

Oh yeah!! ;)

Dose of Happiness

Thank you budak!! =)

Michael Jackson (1958-2009)

image obtained here

Great entertainer and great artist you were. Had the privilege of attending the Michael Jackson in Malaysia concert way in the 90's and that was an awesome indescribable experience.

May you rest in peace.

(*irrelevant note: can't believe i cried all the way to work upon hearing the news. it was an overwhelming feeling)

Ticked

image obtained here

I'm short tempered but I can still tolerate no nonsense to a certain extend. Once that extend is violated, just stay far far away for I can do serious damage.

Thankfully, the colleagues, her and mr dearie said person managed to cool me down yesterday. Without their soothing words, I might've taken things in my own capable hands.

The wrath was not due to work pressure BUT was entirely human behavior related.

Stay away from me you-pesky-suka-jaga-tepi-kain-orang idiots. If it's not the boss, it's work. If it's not the work, it's the boss. In my case; not the boss or the work, but the PEOPLE in the organization (i.e. limited to the office sahaja ye). eEeEEEeeee!!

It's like an incurable disease.

In need doses of happiness.


Pesky gossippers are a waste of tax-payers money.

I should stop.

Stop. Getting back to work.

Swallow me up already

image from here

The morning topic for Fly FM today is "do you know anyone who is an attention seeker?" My answer would be I knew someone who was like that but we're no longer friends. Attention seeker is more often than not closely associated with victimized syndrome i.e. he/she is the victim of everyone-lah.

Well, my story is different. Has anyone encountered unwanted attention? Like falling down from the stairs? Like accidentally spilling water in a restaurant? Typical right.

How about getting name called in a meeting room full of people for a monthly report that may seem to suggest things are not working in orderly manner in the office when in fact that the details of the report NEVER intended to seek unnecessary/unwanted attention from ANYONE. The facts on the paper was right. Unfortunately, the person reading it misinterpreted the whole purpose of stating such facts in the report and got that person all worked up.

I swear that I wish at that moment the earth would just open up and swallow me into the deep end. Obviously that didn't happen.

It didn't help that when I came into the office, the boss totally ignored me. My guess was because of the whole fiasco. But just a moment ago, the boss came into the room and I heaved a sigh of relief. But in any event, i do not blame the boss for being upset. It was humiliating to be questioned for purely administrative office matters.

I'm upset that I caused the whole up do and it's purely purely ADMINISTRATIVE.

-ThE EnD-

Hey Mr P*D,

We (legal officers of the Government of Malaysia) do not just check papers and give mindless legal opinions. The DPPs DO NOT just conduct simple trials. Our roles are not much different from those of private practice lawyers. We go back as late and we crack our brains figuring ways to protect the interest of our clients as well. So, don't belittle our capabilities or abilities.

I've heard many comments from different varsity graduates on the stupid arrogant (bodoh sombong) attitude of law graduates from my varsity. Today, i witnessed such idiocy and arrogance. You, doofus. You embarass AIKOL legal fraternity for not being able to think before speaking.

I know different people are entitled with their own opinion but it just ticks me off when hearing passing comments on how easy government legal officers have it. If you think the practice was uber cool, why oh why did you choose a different path?Tsk.

I was soo close to turning around and give him a piece of my mind. Thankfully i managed to bite my tongue in time. If I did say something, then I'd be an idiot like him.

I wish people would stop generalizing in EVERYTHING.

*note - the Idiot is NOT a graduate of 2006/2007. younger, if you get my drift. don't let me get started on the younger generations of the legal fraternity. testament from present tutors/lecturers is a let down. i'm dissapointed. tsk tsk.

Monday

Contrary to previous working experiences, I've never felt time zoomed by so quickly when in fact I've only been on board for a month and 4 days. A month and 4 days; already attending meeting alone in the land of Sabah.

I told me mom one of the reasons i love anything vintage or eccentric and quirky is because I live in the past. Never the present or the future. I loved being 12. I reminisce previous working experiences. All are priceless.

The present is emotionally tiring. The present is physically and mentally challenging. The future is unpredictable and scary.

-An indescribable Monday blues-

De-stressing Day

My personal-stress-reliever

One satisfied customer. =)

Quote of the day: "bodoh melantun-lantun". cracked me up the whole day.

Ur just too awesome la encik personal-stress-reliever.

New shoes New shoes

Tee hee. It's friday. Got me self spanking new purple peep toe at a superbly el-cheapo price (for an ALDO shoe ye). Terima kasih kawan kawan di Bahagian Penasihat Jabatan Peguam Negara (siap sebut specific lagi) kerana membawa saya keluar makan tengahari. Sayang kamu semua. =)

Saya happy. Walaupun kerja tidak berhenti kunjung tiba. Tapi at least I'm occupied.

I'm thankful for my awesome blossom family.
I'm thankful for great friends.
I'm thankful for mr. dearie's said person's birthday present (harus di ulangi banyak kali sebab without which saya akan merundum dengan perasaan sedih)
I'm thankful for mr. dearie said person.

See see. Not difficult to make me feel happy. Bring me out to eat and let me buy shoes/*bag. I'll be fine. (*note: bag yang diidamkan beyond monetary capability yet.harus tunggu)

whoopey.

Happy weekend everyone!!

Rimas

Adalah rimas apabila senyuman diberi tidak dibalas.
Adalah rimas apabila orang bersangka buruk dengan niat sebenar.
Adalah rimas apabila orang bersangka perwatakan sombong.

My life principle is simple. reciprocity. I don't like hypocrisy. I don't like pretending. And i don't kiss anyone's ass.

Tapi saya masih rasa rimas berada di sekeliling orang orang yang judgmental dan tidak mengamalkan professionalism.

Adalah sangat rimas dan stress.

Sekian

FB-ing

Adalah sedikit bengang kerana saya tidak dibenarkan ber-fb-ing di office (read:lunch hour even). Damn you content filtering thingy ma jiggy. Ye, ia adalah untuk kebaikan i.e. tidak membuang masa dan duit Kerajaan. Tetapi tetapi, di kala kepala menjadi bengong dan berat, I need to escape by checking updates, pictures and etc. tsk tsk. Adalah tidak suka. ish.

Sekian. Kembali bekerja.

Good LuCk LilS BilS!!

Someone asked for an update. It's lunch time, friday and am at the office typing away. I'm not out for lunch by choice. Yes, work is getting on the nerves.

On the 23rd of May 2009, a friend gave birth to a handsome baby named Ahmad Emyr. Congrats Fazlin and Feisal!! I'm sorry I've yet to find time to drop by to see both parents and baby. Will come by before the 2nd. I promise!!

Today a friend is getting married. Congrats lils bils!! Cepat cepat ada anak. Boleh tambah angkatan tentera flower boys and girls saya. =)

Sekian sahaja update saya pada hari ini. Diharap anda semua berpuas hati dengan coretan saya yang tidak seberapa. My mind is neither here nor there. It's everywhere.

Till later, toodles!

busy bee

You know how I whine missing the chambering days. You know how I whine missing the busy streets of Pusat Bandar Damansara. You know how I whine not having colleagues to stay back with.

Now, if I continue to whine, I permit you to smack me *oo*y for now I've no reason to whine.

Since Monday I leave micasa at 7 a.m. Since Monday, I spot happy pimple-break-outs.

So, yeah. I should be happy right?

why I LOVE ye!

Simply because:

You're dead honest
You're super sweet
You love cats
You're my cheer leader
You make sense
You're not pretentious
You surprise me
(and the lists just endless)

Though you can be a JERK occasionally, and THEN make me cry. But I am no different to you. I annoy and irk you equally. Making us a perfect fit. Yay!

Thank YOU for yet another fulfilling Sunday of cheering me up when I was feeling all fugly physically and emotionally. Thank YOU for sharing interest in artsy fartsy stuff. And Thank YOU for bringing me to the Pasar Malam for a round of nasi kukus guilty pleasure. *grins*

psst..Next, get me a DSLR and take me to Malacca. You be the model, I'll be the photographer. *next year's birthday wish, prolly?tee hee hee*

Redha

Many perceives I have confidence. When I whine that I could not/am not able to complete a task, many dismissed me. But it's true, I do have a problem with self-confidence. It's my weakest trait. No kidding.

Since I left practice, many things/decisions I've to burden. Until now, some still haunts me for fear that along my service, such decisions may cause liability/damage to the ones I'm serving. It's a scary scary thought.

Since 9th April 2009, my job position is neither here nor there. I'm pretty much left hanging without a house. I've heard rumors and speculations. But nothing's certain. Just today, I was 'proposed' by a division to be their legal adviser. Decision would not be mine. All I said was, "saya redha diletakkan di mana-mana". Simply because if I choose where to be placed at, I fear "keluar mulut buaya, masuk mulut harimau". At this stage and at my age, it's best that I challenge myself to build the confidence that I never had.

So, yeah until and unless I receive official news; for those who wonders, I'm still at the old office clearing up files and attending to ad-hock matters. You'd think it's fun but seriously, it's not. It's very de-motivating to not know where I'm heading. I have to force myself to work everyday.

I need new shoes.hmm..that's a motivating thought. =)

Perth: Travelogue

I thought I was able to do a travelogue with pictures but I had no patience to gather pictures and picasa-ed them all. So, here's a travelogue on Perth with nada pictures.

5 hours journey on MAS was a pleasant one. I must say that MAS lived up to their international acclaimed cabin crew award. Kudos!

One thing one must know when intending to travel to Perth is the fact that their business hours (be it shops, office, majority eatery joints) ends at 5 p.m be it winter, summer, autumn or spring. If one travels with an arranged tour group, I would not think such caution would be a problem as it is a norm that the touring agent would arrange for a wholesome package for meals and touring purposes. However, since we opted for a "free and easy" holiday, we had to arrange our time properly to ensure that we'd be able to do everything without missing any meal time for the father would turn into green monster. tee hee hee. =)

As for Halal food, do not fret as there is plenty of Lebanese sort food such as kebabs to suppress any hunger desire. There are also plenty of Malaysian food joints that are able to cater those who can't live without rice. Rest assured that your stay there would not be limited to consuming only fruits, crackers or bread. We even found a halal japanese restaurant in Perth Town. However, the food does not come cheap. It goes with 1-1 ratio to our Malaysian Ringgit. For example, a plate of nasi campur there is 6 AUD. Hence, multiply it with 2.6 (the currency exchange rate), total amounting to more or less RM 14-15. Thinking of bringing food from Malaysia? I would not advice so since they've got super strict regulations on bringing foreign food items into Australia for fear that such foods would cause harm to their plants and etc. Again, if one travels in a proper touring group, this caution is irrelevant.

Though we took a free and easy sort holiday, we had a good fun time figuring our own way around Perth.

We pretty much loss time on the first day as we reached the hotel at 4 p.m. By the time we settled in and washed up, all shops were closed. Nevertheless, we took a stroll around the city to have the night feel.

2nd day in Perth was spent at Fremantle. Accesible through land (bus,train) or water (ferry). We took the train (similar to Komuter here but much more efficient and reliable). The Fremantle Market is worth exploring though I know sasha beg to differ on this. Hehe. Other than the Fremantle Market, there is the E-shed Market but we didn't get to explore that Market as we were already tired due to touring Fremantle via foot. If one were to go there, please do check their seafood eateries. Our first try was at Kaili's. On a different day, we were brought to Cicerello's and i must say the fish and chips at Cicerello's is to die for! But if you're not a fan of seafood, there are many other food joints which are halal worth exploring on. Halal food joint with cute Malaysian student working there. Double bonus. You bet! =) but i'm sorry, I can't recall the name of the restaurant. (Day 1 and Day 2 pictures can be viewed here.)

3rd day was a full shopping escapade at Harbour Town Mall. I wouldn't say it's the best outlet mall that I've been too but one could certainly find knicks knacks/apparels which are not available in Malaysia or even if it is available, such items are at a discounted price worth splurging on. My favorite catches from the Mall are a 4.95 AUD necklace (which I LOVE to bits); a 24.95 AUD crocheted clutch (*swoon*) and cute blouses (which are not available in Malaysia in my size). So, yeah when I travel, I only buy things which are worthy spending on. Things ain't cheap man. It was a slight dissapointment though when I couldn't find jeans fitting me perfectly. Weird that the sizes that they have befits asian sizes more than the normal mat salleh sizes. tsk tsk. HuGE dissapointment there! And don't worry if you intend to spend the WHOLE day there as transportation is easy breasy and there's a couple of Halal Joint there. See, toldja food is not a problem in Perth. (and psstt...that's why i've not been able to lose the weight i gain there. *sigh*) After spending approximately 6 hours at the Mall (ye kawan kawan 6 jam la jugak. nak patah dah kaki semua orang), we had late lunch at a Halal Japanese eatery and lil bit later in the evening, explored the bell tower and the wheel of Perth. (Day 3 pictures can be viewed here)

4th day was the day where we really toured Perth typical tourist style. Since it was a free and easy holiday for us, we only booked the one day ground tour upon arrival. We enjoyed the tour immensely as the group was not a huge one. It was only us (five) and two (mother and daughter) other tourists. They even provide Halal lunch but one must request for it. First stop was the Caversham Wildlife Part (awesome!!) followed by a trip to a vineyard, chocolate and ice cream shop. After lunch break (at the Tourist guide's crib), visit to Guildford Pottery Village (which is NOTHING compared to Sarawak) and final leg of the afternoon tour was a ferry-ride experience crossing the swan river back to Perth City. At night, we were brought to Fremantle(where we had Cicerello's for dinner. Yum!!) and other parts of Perth (such as the Chinatown, Kings Park and several Look Out Points) for a night experience. Lepas tuh balik hotel, semua pengsan kepenatan.tee hee. (Day 4 pictures are available here and here)

Day 5 (final Day) was spent by having a last minute shopping spree before our flight in the afternoon. That was THE DAY we found Target. Heaven on shopping-earth I tell ya but fortunately, by the final day; i've lost all appetite to splurge. Hence, saved more moolahs. yay for shuey!! I've been behaving well I tell ya. Even I am proud of myself. (Day 5 pictures can be viewed here)

After 5 days and 4 night of Perth, I must say that it's a place worth-visiting again for there are many other things that we've yet to explore. We didn't get to visit Kings Park in the day. We didn't get to visit the islands in Perth. We didn't get to see dolphins and penguins in Perth. There is also the Amusement Park and Perth Zoo that we didn't get to go.

Oh yeah, before this Travelogue:Perth ends, another travel tip is to be aware of Australia's national holiday as they pretty much malfunction (be it shops or transportation service (except some busses and train) when it comes to their national holiday.

Perth trip rating: 4/5. Thanks to the mom and dad for suggesting. *hugs family*

Purr-fect Day

He's NOT perfect and who is? But he managed to pull a PERFECT day in honor of me being a year older.

It was nothing fancy. Just a day out of watching X-Men: Wolverine, Manhattan Seafood Platter for Two lunch and exploring the Dinasours and Monsters Exhibition at Midvalley.

It was perfect because he made me laugh the entire day. It was perfect because he remembers.

He, who cam-whores worst than me.seriously.

Thanks Mr. Dearie Said Person for the PERFECT day. Sila lah bawak saya jalan jalan lagi. Saya amat suka berjalan.

Oh yeah, and thank you for the birthday present too!

Adalah PERFECT! =)

Annoying me

The announcement on the 9th of April 2009 gave birth to miss annoying shuey. Ask khalid and lily for verification.

Even I don't like myself. Oh when will this torture end. eek. whine. boo hoo.

okay, end.

See, I AM ANNOYING.

what NOT to do when there's police road block

1. Do NOT stop short 500 meters from the road block (like duh, it will cause suspicion)

Above tip by yours truly came about yesterday when my day date inconveniently left his i.c and driving license back at home. Only realized it after picking me up. So, the only rational thing to do is head home to get them right? On the way, surprise surprise: police road block.

Mr.smarty pants immediately hit the breaks; short 500 meters from the road block. Anybody who's a nobody would've calculated such action to mean only one thing: you've done something wrong.

As expected, my day date's car was stopped by mr. police men. Thankfully for his day date's brilliant (nak jugak puji diri sendiri) advice; he was only given a warning. My advice to my day date: be truthful and tell mr.police men that he (my day date) is on his way back to get those documents.

Upon hearing such explanation, my day date got away scott free.=)

So, yeah. Not all police men are untrustworthy. Not all police men are corrupt. Way to go mr. police men!!

Priceless

If anyone asks; who's my best friend(s)? I'd say none. Close friends I have many.

I never knew I'm THAT worthy to be cared for by anyone. I always believe I leave negative impressions on strangers and acquaintance of friends.

Only few really knows me. Only few could withstand me. And that few; are my precious gem.

Thank you ein. Thank you miera. Thank you Myn. Thank you Ziyad. Thank you Mr. Dearie Said person.

For encouraging me to do the unimaginable. For returning the smile that went missing. For just really being there whenever and wherever.

I don't do you guys justice. I hardly text. I hardly call.

But do know, you(guys) will always be my precious gems and I love you(guys) with all my heart.

Back at work

Yesterday was a harsh reality. Even me dad shed tears. That's how special the little guy was.

Today is another harsh reality. Am back at work with tons to do. Looking at the bright side; at least the bulk of work will stop me wallowing over his death as I have to focus.

The induction and BTN course taught me wonders. From administrative matters to human relations. It's amazing. Really.

At the same time, both course left me mentally and physically drained. Hence, the leave I took yesterday. But yesterday's event left me emotionally drained.

And now, I'm mentally, physically and emotionally drained.

Need.To.Go.Holiday.24 days and counting.

Need.New.Cat.Anyone kind enough to donate?

Need.To.Get.Back.To.Work.G'bye.

Mourning Tuesday

Yesterday, you showed us your usual antics (for the last time)
Yesterday, you nuzzled my hand (for the last time)
Yesterday, I hugged, cuddled and kissed you (for the last time)

Not knowing that today you'd be gone forever.

You were very special.

The whole family mourn over your loss.

We sorely miss you (very much).

love,

Us

ITS FRIDAY!!!!

Dasar Penjimatan Negara: Siri ke-2

Cut your own hair. Me loike me bangs. whoopey..=)


Me likey friday. Friday is good. Me likey particularly this friday for starting monday till 30/3/2009 me will be away from office for induction and BTN. Me likey no office for 3 weeks. Good.

perasaan bosan dihari jumaat.harap maaf diatas penggunaan bahasa yang gedik.shoot me already.

happy friday and weekend y'all!!!