Friday, 5 August 2011

Engaged To Be Married

It is interesting to note the past few months I've been hearing news on engaged couples breaking up. I am not here to judge anybody. I am just penning my thoughts on how to avoid such circumstances as it will not only hurt the couple but more often than not it'll hurt the family more.

Marriage is never a funny thing. It is always a serious matter. One should never get engaged/married just because everyone else seems to be doing it. I would say, you got to be prepared mentally, spiritually, financially and physically. But it does not mean a girl needs to wait for the boy FOREVER until and unless all 4 criterias are 100% go.

I said be PREPARED. Not that you are expected to be all that when you decide to go to the next level.

Sometimes, over driven by lust and emotions, couples decides to tie the knot quicker than the qadhi can say 'sah'. Overlooking the be PREPARED part.

When one is not properly prepared, again overdriven by emotions, couples (or one of the other) decides to break it off without thinking the consequences and implications to them and of course to the family. Yes, boys and girls, when couples decides to get engaged/married, you both get engaged/marry each family. 

However, this does not apply to couples breaking it off due to physical and emotional violence or financial issues. If any of it occurs, red alert, please leave before it is all too late.

I am just saying, if the reason for breaking it off can be resolved by giving each other enough time to cool down and need be, parents intervention, please do so. 

For the 8 months syam and I got engaged, there were numerous occassion that we wanted to break it off for reasons I should not tell. It was nothing petty I assure you but non the less, solvable. Again, my pandora-of-experience-mother came to the rescue by telling US, not just ME to be patient and think of the implications/consequences of the decision we're about to make.  Sometimes, after not only days but weeks of cooling off, everything gets back to normal and we're back on track. Alhamdulillah.

So, yeah. Even at the engagement stage, each must give respect and each must tolerate. If you can't even do that, there is so much more waiting when both are married. As how my-married-soul-sisters said, whatever problems married couple is facing at the early stage of marriage, that is JUST the tip of the ice berg. Both gotta be strong and not be carried away with emotions. And again MOTHER said, the key is PATIENCE.

What I'm trying to say is really this, if both decides to comit to get engaged to be married, please think wise and long before making the comitment. Though we really don't know what the future holds, what is our takdir at the end of the day, we got to exhaust all means and efforts and then seek for HIS guidance.

The same I pray for syam and I. For Allah to bless our marriage and protect us from any harm and wrong decisions. We are not perfect, never are, never will be.



Moose said...

i agree. engagement is where you get the "taste" of getting and being married. this is also the stage where your partner and you releash their inner self. dengan syaitan yang menghasut lagi, memanglah mencabar. i kid you when i told you that there are times that i felt like stranggling my husband then-fiance (and vice versa) over petty things.

but i guess, if you and your partner are able to get through it together, insya Allah you can get through most of the time in marriage as well.

shueyshoelove said...

Moose: yup! True dat. Insya allah. Amin!

The Spasmodic Scribbler said...

I don't know why I am so lucky. Or blessed I shall say.

Alhamdulillah, so far I have not had any issues while being engaged.

God forbid I hope there will be none in the next course of 1 month. Also am continuing to pray to God that the wedding day will be a smooth sailing one.

I was not really tested like other people. No dramas and bridezilla moment with the vendors. Alhamdulillah. No big fights and bitter arguments with the fiance too.

Or maybe I'm just not bothered on petty things kot.

BTW, I've got your mail :). Thanks Shue. Will mail you the card next week. Datang k? :)

Rhapsody B. said...

Sometimes it is only when the engagement is on and the seriousness of the situation comes fully to light is when couples realize either, oh...i am not ready, eeh gards he is not for me etc, or things start coming up like issues never addressed prior to engagement like children, how they are to be raise in which religion if any, what are our philosophy on rearing kids, or money matters and expectations of roles. Though sad that many break up at this stage it is better at this stage than when the vows have been taken.

good read..
Stay blessed.