Fitting In

Just the other day I twitted about the importance of having a sense of a belonging to an organization. 

The same I guess for life in general.

Some has no trouble fitting in. 

Some struggle. 

Some just 'think' they fit in because they 'think' they are all that when in fact they are really just wannabees trying way too hard to fit in.

Some dress to the nines, eat at fabulous eateries, hang at cool joints and announcing it publicly on social networks screaming 'i am like so super cool, right'.

But who doesn't do that in this age of technology, right?

Difference of a naturale and wannabees who does all that; is the former is a naturale, naturally while the latter announce it to seek attention and affirmation that yes, they are cool.

The latter also tends to belittle others who doesn't dress like how they dress, eat at where they eat and hang at cool joints where they hang. 

They are too cool for 'normal' people. 

Somehow the wannabees forgets that you can try to be all that BUT less a shining personality, one is really just nothing to the eyes of others.

Beauty is really really skin deep. Plus humility. Plus kindness. Only then one is deserving to be awed and admired at.

On that note, I end this post with a snippet of maria elena's post on being chopped as hijabinista.  I think her writing was bulls-eyes-fabulous -

 

"fashion is fun to follow too, i get it, but it's making us lose focus.
for example, we go online and we look at lookbook to know what's the latest trends. we get inspired, we hurriedly head on to a shopping mall or blogshop and hang around looking for that piece of clothing we pictured. then we spend money. sometimes distracted punya pasal, solat tak khusyuk. sometimes nak sangat baju tu, sampai solat pun tinggal. the same goes to modelling.

fashion becomes an obsession. modelling becomes a passion.
beautification becomes a necessity.

muka bogel takde eyeliner pun dah rasa resah. dapat gambar photoshoot, rasa bangga sampai upload merata-rata (blog, tumblr, facebook, twitter, etc) expecting people to tell you how good you're looking. parallel to that, jadi riak, and riak is salah satu attributes yang Allah SWT hina.
*slaps myself real hard*"

Engaged To Be Married

It is interesting to note the past few months I've been hearing news on engaged couples breaking up. I am not here to judge anybody. I am just penning my thoughts on how to avoid such circumstances as it will not only hurt the couple but more often than not it'll hurt the family more.

Marriage is never a funny thing. It is always a serious matter. One should never get engaged/married just because everyone else seems to be doing it. I would say, you got to be prepared mentally, spiritually, financially and physically. But it does not mean a girl needs to wait for the boy FOREVER until and unless all 4 criterias are 100% go.

I said be PREPARED. Not that you are expected to be all that when you decide to go to the next level.

Sometimes, over driven by lust and emotions, couples decides to tie the knot quicker than the qadhi can say 'sah'. Overlooking the be PREPARED part.

When one is not properly prepared, again overdriven by emotions, couples (or one of the other) decides to break it off without thinking the consequences and implications to them and of course to the family. Yes, boys and girls, when couples decides to get engaged/married, you both get engaged/marry each family. 

However, this does not apply to couples breaking it off due to physical and emotional violence or financial issues. If any of it occurs, red alert, please leave before it is all too late.

I am just saying, if the reason for breaking it off can be resolved by giving each other enough time to cool down and need be, parents intervention, please do so. 

For the 8 months syam and I got engaged, there were numerous occassion that we wanted to break it off for reasons I should not tell. It was nothing petty I assure you but non the less, solvable. Again, my pandora-of-experience-mother came to the rescue by telling US, not just ME to be patient and think of the implications/consequences of the decision we're about to make.  Sometimes, after not only days but weeks of cooling off, everything gets back to normal and we're back on track. Alhamdulillah.

So, yeah. Even at the engagement stage, each must give respect and each must tolerate. If you can't even do that, there is so much more waiting when both are married. As how my-married-soul-sisters said, whatever problems married couple is facing at the early stage of marriage, that is JUST the tip of the ice berg. Both gotta be strong and not be carried away with emotions. And again MOTHER said, the key is PATIENCE.

What I'm trying to say is really this, if both decides to comit to get engaged to be married, please think wise and long before making the comitment. Though we really don't know what the future holds, what is our takdir at the end of the day, we got to exhaust all means and efforts and then seek for HIS guidance.

The same I pray for syam and I. For Allah to bless our marriage and protect us from any harm and wrong decisions. We are not perfect, never are, never will be.

Wallahualam.

Ukur Baju Di Badan Sendiri

A couple of days ago, had an impromptu mother-daughter talk.

I queried mother how she and father survived financially while at the same time managed to provide more than enough for us siblings.

She also often tell stories of buying jewelleries for her mother, sending money home, buying furnitures for her parents when she just started work. Mind you, at the same time she had to also pay for her own car, house rental, food, gas, etc.

Both the parents are government servants by the way. Not corporate persons by any means. I remembered growing up, we were treated with good food, pretty wears (internationally branded) and (good) hotel holidays, locally and internationally. But there were also days I remembered throwing tantrum wanting something(s) soo much but the parents just ignored. They didn't pamper us. They provided enough. They even managed to save us monies for OUR rainy days.

Here I am, a government servant too albeit husband is in the private sector. Combined income, we can't even afford to do half she and father achieved at our age. I still cannot afford to buy mother jewelleries, let alone buying furnitures. But Alhamdulillah, we manage to give some monthly contribution to the parents. It has always been my intention to give back to my parents if not all but some that they've invested in/for me.

So, mother let the secret out. Back then, when they didn't have much, they made do with what they have. They lived on their own. They scouted cheap furnitures at furniture exhibition which lasts until now. They eat in. They didn't splurge. They only had my eldest sister after three years into marriage. The first 3 years, they saved.

What's important, she said "ukur baju di badan sendiri". She wasn't influenced by anyone. She pretty much did her own thing. Followed her own pace. Their own pace.

Thank you mother for the priceless advice. This is just one advice out of the many she's given. She's a pandora of experience.

On the 31st of July 2011, they turned 34 in marriage life. Out of 34 years, I witnessed 28 years of it. They like others are not perfect couple. But they've been nothing but good role models to the siblings and I.

Now, the father is passing good vibes to syam. The same he told syam when he told me when I was 12, "travel the world as it will open your mind".

Couldn't ask for a better family, dramas and meltdowns included. Alhamdulillah.