Fitting In

Just the other day I twitted about the importance of having a sense of a belonging to an organization. 

The same I guess for life in general.

Some has no trouble fitting in. 

Some struggle. 

Some just 'think' they fit in because they 'think' they are all that when in fact they are really just wannabees trying way too hard to fit in.

Some dress to the nines, eat at fabulous eateries, hang at cool joints and announcing it publicly on social networks screaming 'i am like so super cool, right'.

But who doesn't do that in this age of technology, right?

Difference of a naturale and wannabees who does all that; is the former is a naturale, naturally while the latter announce it to seek attention and affirmation that yes, they are cool.

The latter also tends to belittle others who doesn't dress like how they dress, eat at where they eat and hang at cool joints where they hang. 

They are too cool for 'normal' people. 

Somehow the wannabees forgets that you can try to be all that BUT less a shining personality, one is really just nothing to the eyes of others.

Beauty is really really skin deep. Plus humility. Plus kindness. Only then one is deserving to be awed and admired at.

On that note, I end this post with a snippet of maria elena's post on being chopped as hijabinista.  I think her writing was bulls-eyes-fabulous -

 

"fashion is fun to follow too, i get it, but it's making us lose focus.
for example, we go online and we look at lookbook to know what's the latest trends. we get inspired, we hurriedly head on to a shopping mall or blogshop and hang around looking for that piece of clothing we pictured. then we spend money. sometimes distracted punya pasal, solat tak khusyuk. sometimes nak sangat baju tu, sampai solat pun tinggal. the same goes to modelling.

fashion becomes an obsession. modelling becomes a passion.
beautification becomes a necessity.

muka bogel takde eyeliner pun dah rasa resah. dapat gambar photoshoot, rasa bangga sampai upload merata-rata (blog, tumblr, facebook, twitter, etc) expecting people to tell you how good you're looking. parallel to that, jadi riak, and riak is salah satu attributes yang Allah SWT hina.
*slaps myself real hard*"

Engaged To Be Married

It is interesting to note the past few months I've been hearing news on engaged couples breaking up. I am not here to judge anybody. I am just penning my thoughts on how to avoid such circumstances as it will not only hurt the couple but more often than not it'll hurt the family more.

Marriage is never a funny thing. It is always a serious matter. One should never get engaged/married just because everyone else seems to be doing it. I would say, you got to be prepared mentally, spiritually, financially and physically. But it does not mean a girl needs to wait for the boy FOREVER until and unless all 4 criterias are 100% go.

I said be PREPARED. Not that you are expected to be all that when you decide to go to the next level.

Sometimes, over driven by lust and emotions, couples decides to tie the knot quicker than the qadhi can say 'sah'. Overlooking the be PREPARED part.

When one is not properly prepared, again overdriven by emotions, couples (or one of the other) decides to break it off without thinking the consequences and implications to them and of course to the family. Yes, boys and girls, when couples decides to get engaged/married, you both get engaged/marry each family. 

However, this does not apply to couples breaking it off due to physical and emotional violence or financial issues. If any of it occurs, red alert, please leave before it is all too late.

I am just saying, if the reason for breaking it off can be resolved by giving each other enough time to cool down and need be, parents intervention, please do so. 

For the 8 months syam and I got engaged, there were numerous occassion that we wanted to break it off for reasons I should not tell. It was nothing petty I assure you but non the less, solvable. Again, my pandora-of-experience-mother came to the rescue by telling US, not just ME to be patient and think of the implications/consequences of the decision we're about to make.  Sometimes, after not only days but weeks of cooling off, everything gets back to normal and we're back on track. Alhamdulillah.

So, yeah. Even at the engagement stage, each must give respect and each must tolerate. If you can't even do that, there is so much more waiting when both are married. As how my-married-soul-sisters said, whatever problems married couple is facing at the early stage of marriage, that is JUST the tip of the ice berg. Both gotta be strong and not be carried away with emotions. And again MOTHER said, the key is PATIENCE.

What I'm trying to say is really this, if both decides to comit to get engaged to be married, please think wise and long before making the comitment. Though we really don't know what the future holds, what is our takdir at the end of the day, we got to exhaust all means and efforts and then seek for HIS guidance.

The same I pray for syam and I. For Allah to bless our marriage and protect us from any harm and wrong decisions. We are not perfect, never are, never will be.

Wallahualam.

Ukur Baju Di Badan Sendiri

A couple of days ago, had an impromptu mother-daughter talk.

I queried mother how she and father survived financially while at the same time managed to provide more than enough for us siblings.

She also often tell stories of buying jewelleries for her mother, sending money home, buying furnitures for her parents when she just started work. Mind you, at the same time she had to also pay for her own car, house rental, food, gas, etc.

Both the parents are government servants by the way. Not corporate persons by any means. I remembered growing up, we were treated with good food, pretty wears (internationally branded) and (good) hotel holidays, locally and internationally. But there were also days I remembered throwing tantrum wanting something(s) soo much but the parents just ignored. They didn't pamper us. They provided enough. They even managed to save us monies for OUR rainy days.

Here I am, a government servant too albeit husband is in the private sector. Combined income, we can't even afford to do half she and father achieved at our age. I still cannot afford to buy mother jewelleries, let alone buying furnitures. But Alhamdulillah, we manage to give some monthly contribution to the parents. It has always been my intention to give back to my parents if not all but some that they've invested in/for me.

So, mother let the secret out. Back then, when they didn't have much, they made do with what they have. They lived on their own. They scouted cheap furnitures at furniture exhibition which lasts until now. They eat in. They didn't splurge. They only had my eldest sister after three years into marriage. The first 3 years, they saved.

What's important, she said "ukur baju di badan sendiri". She wasn't influenced by anyone. She pretty much did her own thing. Followed her own pace. Their own pace.

Thank you mother for the priceless advice. This is just one advice out of the many she's given. She's a pandora of experience.

On the 31st of July 2011, they turned 34 in marriage life. Out of 34 years, I witnessed 28 years of it. They like others are not perfect couple. But they've been nothing but good role models to the siblings and I.

Now, the father is passing good vibes to syam. The same he told syam when he told me when I was 12, "travel the world as it will open your mind".

Couldn't ask for a better family, dramas and meltdowns included. Alhamdulillah.

wordless wednesday

Soul Mate

In all honesty, I never believed in the term soul mate. Syam and I are two separate individuals who are different in so many ways. We don't finish each others sentences. Heck, sometimes we had to go through battles just to get the other to spill what is really on each mind.

Until tonight.

I was feeling down for the past few days for reasons even I couldn't fathom. Syam respected and gave me space. Tonight, I snuggled up to him, started to break down and cry. Hard. He hugged me tight and started to list down everything that was subconsciously bothering me. I knew he hit bulls eyes as at each point, I cried harder re affirming what I was bothered with these past few days. 

I didn't have to tell him. He knew. And he made it all better by just giving me space, hugging me tight and telling me he knows.

By just doing that, I understood what soul mate means.

Thank you Allah for granting this jodoh to me, to us. May this jodoh will be under His blessings and lasts for eternity.

I love you syam. My husband. My friend. My enemy. My soul mate. Sampai bila-bila.

Mid-levels Escalator, Hong Kong, 2011

The Power Of People Influence

Last Saturday was spent earlier at Chic Pop Market at Jaya One and later to KLCC for GLC Open Day.

Chic Pop was uber fun for my eyes feasted upon crafty stuffs, dirt cheap accessories, shoes and bags. The shopaholic devil in me gave way to a bag, bracelet and natural soap. Tsk tsk. Mother and sister didn't quite help. They became the devil's advocate instead of my money guardian. Tsk tsk some more.

GLC Open Day was quite interesting but still left me feeling them who befits the GLCs are only those who are yuppie-snooty-sort. If you're NOT ALL that, then forget to be part of the corporate empire. Disturbing, I know.

Anyway, want to know the similarities of these two different events? It was filled with some true hijabi fashionistas and some hijabi-fashionistas-wannabes. All wanting to appear hip and cool like them Scarflet and of course, who else, Hana Tajima.

Don't get me wrong. I've nothing against them people. It is just so amazing how the public at general can be so much influenced and dare I say obsessed with the phenomenan that these people bring. I am not an exception. Guilty to a certain extend BUT i am NOT obsessed. I know my borderline. 

There are so many people wanting to be someone else for the beauty they possess. For the wealth they carry. But what about wanting to be someone elese for their brain and intelligence. I want that.

Say hello to thespasmodicscribbler. I came to know about this smartypants blogger through one of those bride blogger link. From her writings, it is so clear that this bride to be is a career driven woman who plans and manages her financial well. Read up her post on "The Day We Got The Keys To Our 1st House". While others save up to get that designer bags, shoes, clothes to stay in trend. I am guilty as charged. This sheer genius saved up to buy a house with her fiance'. Her determination and self control amazed me. I wish I was all that. I always look forward to reading her new posts. Nothing shallow. Just simple good english on her life. Talk about the power of people influence. TSS, as how I fondly address her is one good influence example.

Besides TSS, I love reading the knot. Young accomplished persons. Envy much. But in a good way. The term 'paradigm shift' have long been sold but I don't see much shifting in the younger generations (including yours truly). All wanting to be hipper, trendier. All for the wrong reasons.

Now, where is that paper and pen. I have to re-set my goals. This time. For the right reasons. Insya Allah.

The haunted dais

If it is not apparent enough, I've been ranting and rambling about how ugly both my dais were. Equally for house and hall. I regretted for not listening to my mother to opt for a complete package from the caterer. I was afraid that they would not be able to pull a clean, simple with a touch of elegant dais.

Ex-brides and bride-to-be's can attest how ridiculously expensive can dais' be. We (the mother and I) agreed that it will be a waste of money to spend thousands of ringgit over something which would only be used for mere few hours. The unfortunate thing in Malaysia is, not many vendors can conceptualize how  clean, simple with a touch of elegance is supposed to be like and do it reasonably priced. They seem to like the idea of a more meriah a dais is, the better and of course with that, mahal! Even if there are such vendors (i know there are a few) that can understand the whole idea of simplicity with a touch of elegance, it comes with a hefty price. I remembered going to one of the kerja kahwin exhibition where i fell absolutely in love with this one dais. It had green backdrop with orchid flowers 'floating' at the back. It was screaming "me!!" since I super love colors and the dais looked different than normal which is again so ME. Unfortunately, mother thought it was too pricey. Since she's paying, I just had to let it go. We never revisited that vendor. I am sure had we the time to compare prices and service, she would in the end agree to go for the other vendor. To be honest, it was not pricey at all. I thought for the service and expertise that they can offer, the rate was fairly reasonable. Oh well, the vendor I was talking about is Precious Moments. They do not have a blog/website. But if you google them up, there are reviews on their services.

So, anyways, the reason I'm writing this is because -

• numero uno, I cannot get over the fact that both dais' was ugly and so outdated.;
• Second, as i perused the vendor-who-did-my-dais's fb page, my heart literally dropped (and felt like it was squeezed) to see so many other dais after me, that the vendor executed beautifully.

I remembered when the vendor came over and asked me what my concept was and when I said I wanted something simple, clean but elegant, she gave me the disbelief look. I of all people should know that was a BAD sign. Since my mind was so messed up with work and majorly pleasing  the parents with how and what the wedding should be like, the vendor and I only managed to sitt down and talk a week before my wedding reception. Madness. I know. Prior to that, the vendor e-mailed me photos of dais that the vendor said was the current trend. Another BAD sign as the dais in the photos looked ewww, so NOT me.  Truth be told, mother had a bad feeling about the vendor since the vendor DID NOT attempt to contact me for a meet up until the very last minute. I know I should've done my part. But it would be a plus point for vendors to initiate since it is the service they're trying to sell. Mother did suggest, why not cancel and just ask the caterer to whip up something for both home and hall. The ever degil me refuse to listen and insisted that we stick to the plan. Partly because some money has been deposited into the vendor's account. Also because I was somehow conviced, I'll get the dais that I imagined it to be.

When we sat down and talked, I specifically said I didn't want any panel sorta dais both for home and hall. I wanted a simple white back drop for both. We actually googled up flora.etc to get inspiration and came to an agreement that the nikah dais would be white and pink back drop and two fresh flowers by the side. Nothing extravagant . For the hall, we came up with  concept of using tree twigs as decoration. The vendor was going on to say we can put different colors to light up the back drop as how the others are doing now to minimalize the use of props on stage. I suddenly got excited and was looking forward to the reception day as the whole idea was different than normal. SO ME RIGHT! I remembered texting soul sisters bongok miera/ein how excited I was with the whole concept and how i was looking forward to both nikah and the reception day.

Imagine the dissapointment when -

• first, the vendor came at 12.30 a.m. to fix the nikah dais when we mentioned it would be used for khatam in the morning. The vendor did not even attempt to say they'll be THAT late. Initially they say they'll come by at night but not THAT LATE. I had to text the vendor numerous time to ask when will they fix the nikah dais;
• two, they came with fake flowers but said they'll change it to fresh flowers the following morning. I thought that was very unprofessional;
• three, when they fixed the dais, it was UGLY and so not how I wanted it to be. But I was too tired to be bothered. After all, it is only for nikah and there is no way anything could be fixed. To get into a fight on the morning of my nikah day was just too tiring. I let go and ignored.
• four, when they came with the fresh flowers after the khatam, the colors were NOT as how we discussed and the arrangement was so wrong and looked flat. the fake flowers suited the whole concept better. again, i felt no used making huge fuss. I was getting married at 5 p.m. that same day.

credits to afnan omar

• fifth, upon checking the reception dais on the morning of reception, the stage was bare. not covered. tape marks and the ugly color of the stage outdo the whole  dais decor. i specifically text the vendor few days before the reception day to remind the vendor to cover the stage with white cloth. the small stairs leading to up to the stage was uncovered too. mother had to rush to kamdar upon advice from the caterer to get yards and yards of cloth to cover the stairs and stage. fyi, when i immediately called the vendor to fix the ugly, the vendor actually said they didnt have enough cloth to cover the stage. but they came later to cover it anyway. grrr. the caterer did the ruffled-look small stairs.
• sixth, there were no colored lights to highlight the white back drop. just a couple of ugly annoying yellow stage light. the back drop was secured ugly-ly (if there is such a word). there were not twigs branch on the stage. only twigs at the entrance and the sides of the red carpet.

The only thing i liked about the whole decor for reception was the main table and the twigs hanged with orchids at the sides of the red carpet. It was so clear the dais was horrendously ugly even the OP didnt take complete photo of the dais. Just snippets of it here and there. Here are some of the pics from the OP.   

credits to Fad Manaf

credits to afnan omar

Yes, it was something different. But it was way too simple and badly executed. Fyi, the two red pillows, the hand fan, the tepak at the front, carpet and bunga pahar are from home. Some of you might say, it didn't look too bad. That is because the OP was smart at taking good angles. Oh btw, the vendor was amazed with the bunga pahar my mother single handedly made. The vendor even wanted one as sample for her to make for potential clients. Pfft.

True that we didn't pay extravagant amount for the above but it does not justify one to deliver poor service. Only if the vendor was more meticulous and more particular with how arrangements were made, we would be happier. Even if the vendor could've suggested that things will look better if we added on some more money, we would have obliged. Siapa yang tak suka cantik kan? But it felt like the vendor was uninterested and did everything half-heartedly.

All of the above could be avoided if the followings were done;

• harrased the vendor for appointments and follow up frequently;
• be very meticulous and specific in what I wanted and put it all in writing (of all people, a lawyer should know bettter right?);
• supervised them setting up the dais and made sure it was done as how it was agreed;
• went to hall how ever late it was to supervise the whole setting up to minimalize damage and heart ache. I didn't do that because I was just too tired.

So dear bride to be's, please take note of all the above to avoid getting heart aches and heart burns like what I am having now. Make time from work or if you can't do just that, get someone close that you trust to assist you in getting things done. Yes, all the above are merely material and nothing spiritual but when you pay someone for a/any service, you expect nothing less than good service from them. Or else, might as well not hire them or do anything in the first place. I think that was what that got me riled up immediately after all reception was over and done with.

I was more relaxed and more in love with husb reception where there was no dais, no red carpet. Greeted with few shows of good silat. Then accompanied with gendang music all the way to the decorated main table with good kampung food.

Less is definitely more. To the vendor, my mother said to me don't hold grudges. In mother's own words, "Memaafkan dapat pahala. Allah akan balasnya".

To my sisters, when you guys get married, I promise I'll be the wedding planner from hell and you guys will get the most awesome-est reception that I didn't quite get. Love much!